I can’t believe what is happening to me. I mean it sounds really impossible. No, I mean… I’m doing this. It’s really unbelievable. I have never thought I would be such a person. I’m being a social loafer in a particular team. Ok, I have to make it clear that I am not a social loafer at all times except for this particular time. But it really sounds weird, doesn’t it? I mean I see myself as a very cooperative team member always. I try my best to be committed, dedicated and responsible in a team. I always give my best, because I always enjoy working in a team.
This time, I can’t help being a person who I never thought I would be one; a social loafer, or an irresponsible team member. I’m just so fed up with the situation, the people and the team. It’s been some time since I joined the team, and yet, people tried to comfort me by saying: oh well, you are still new in the team, give yourself some time to adjust to the team. I’m like… huh? New? But it’s been a year! Actually more than that… to be precise, I actually joined the team when it was about to be formed. So… I may be new to the people in the team, but I definitely am not new in the team. Alright, I’m fine if you don’t take me as a friend, or supposing a ‘family member’ as you people always emphasize on, but at least… a team member. A member in the team, someone in the team. I don’t have to be the centre of attention, but just treat me as a person who exists in the team.
I suppose I am not an introvert, I don’t have to take a loooooong time to start a conversation with people, and so I don’t think I am NEW in the team after a year or more… what’s the problem? Nobody has ever noticed my existence. You people have this ‘guest-friends-family’ slogan, but have you ever done what you people set for yourself? According to you people, the stage I’m at is actually the ‘family’ stage, which means I have gone through the stages of being just a guest, and a friend. But I don’t think I am even a guest to you people. I’m like…nobody. Oh well, thankfully you people would still greet me when you see me, so I know I’m not invisible. Ok, that’s it. I’m not invisible, but I am nobody.
Alright, my problem? I see you people are very united as a team, and I am just like not in the team at all. So it’s not the problem of unity of the team or bla bla bla… It’s just my problem. But what has happened? Am I not outstanding enough? Am I not needed in the team at all? Am I just so redundant and unnecessary? Guess what, it seems my efforts and commitments are not needed at all. So why shall I be bothered to be how I used to be as a team member? Dedicated? Committed? Responsible? Oh StOP BULL—SHIT--TING! At this moment, don’t tell me to be rational, don’t tell me to calm down and think or whatever, I’m just so enough of it. I’m fed up! I’m so sick of all that crap.
I don’t care, say it, say I’m a social loafer, say I’m irresponsible, say I create so many troubles to the team, say I am not cooperative at all, say it! SAY IT! Not like I care… I can’t be bothered anymore.
Yea, I’m neither denying nor hiding this from anyone, I’m saying I’m a social loafer in this particular team. It’s bad, it’s really bad, I know it, I know it’s super duper bad to the social loafer and I personally HATE social loafers. Well, now I am one… ridiculous right? Yes, it is. But who cares? Really, tell me who cares? Not like they have ever expected any commitment or effort from me, not like they know I do exist. So who cares? Ignore me, continue to ignore me, I don’t mind. Since I am gonna leave one day, so just save our time and effort of creating the bond in between me and you people, for something more constructive and meaningful.
