I have been going through alot recently, ups and downs, alot of ups and downs.

Ups are those seen by many people, while downs are those not seen to anyone at all.

Yes, I won 3rd prize of Ladies Event in 7th National Ballroom Dancing Championships and also 5th prize of Ladies Event in 1st ADC Amateur League Open Dance Competition 2010. How can I not thank God for these and also teachers who guided me like Uncle William, Aunty Luisa, Aunty Merle, Royce, my partner Reanne, Bryan Foo, Claudia, Max and many others. I know, without God, I will not be able to go that far. Imagine a person like me who doesn't dance well, who has only learnt dancing for 9 months, who knows not much about dancing, who joined competitions for the first time, and I won a prize. I don't deserve all these but God gives them to me. How great is our God!

These victories and glories are seen and apparent on my facebook, but I don't purposely mention them in my blog, as I see they are influencing at one particular moment, but not in my life.

I have been experiencing complicated feelings and emotions, and my timetable is too busy for me to actually experience them for any longer and to reflect what I have gone through.

After my final exam, I focused on the Penang Competition, then I went to Redang Islang immediately 1 day after the competition, when I was back from Redang Island, I had to focus on the Shah Alam competition, the next day I started to attend a 6-days fashion consultant program. Today is a break for me and I decided to blog. Tomorrow is Faith Music Album Launch and Sunday I have to attend a church meeting. Then Monday college re-open.

Great, I don't get any rest.

While all these events are running, life crisis is also taking place. Can you imagine while I was waiting to receive my first victory and glory in dancing competition, a phone call came in and it changed my whole life? Can you imagine how difficult it was to hold back all the tears and emotions at that point of time? Can you imagine how tough it was to go through? Can you imagine all the emotions had to be suppressed in just a minute to not embarrase myself in front of others and walk out to dance floor with a big smile, heavy dramtic make-up, glam costume to receive the first prize I got in a dancing competition?

What kind of a dramatic life is that?

My life is a drama. It isn't only about toughness, but also the constant major dramatic changes. When is the drama going to end? and when is the climax going to over? If my life was a movie, it wouldn't be a good one, because from the beginning to the end, it is all climax. You'll be tired of watching it. and I'm tired of playing in it.

My life may look interesting and glamorous to some people, at least some people around me said so. But deep down in me, or things that happened to me which are not seen by others, are a total mess. My life is near to rotten. What I am going through is really a total mess and even I myself can't imagine it coming.

Am I being too negative recently? Yes I think I am. But I am still gonna put on a big smile on my face and laugh as much as I can in my life. After all, life is short and what we are haing now is not eternal. Eternity is with God.