There's something I have been feeling and I never express it. I think I have to say it out now or I'll feel really depressed. There's a friend of mine in college who we used to be very good friends. But recently due to her group doesn't really accept me, I realised she's slowly giving up our relationship for the big group too. This really upset me. How she treats me is telling me that 'sorry, we just can't be friends anymore' and she's happily hanging out with her group of friends.

I used to think she's a real friend who will always be there for me no matter what. But no, I was wrong. People are selfish. I know a big group of friends give her more sense of security as she's also a person who treasures friends alot, and therefore she chose the group over me. Same goes to another girl in the group, as she mentioned to me before, she can't really fit into the group, she often feels lonely though she's in the big group, but having a stable group of people around her makes her feel more secured. Well, it's fine to me. But not to the extent that we can't be friends anymore. When I ask her out, she will not go, her reason is her mom won't allow her to go out too often as she will be hanging out with her group of friends. She can hang out with the group of friend few times in a week, but once with me is considered 'too often' which she said her mom won't allow.

I thought though I'm not in her group, but we are still friends, so I try to catch up with her as usual because I really see her as my good friend whom we can share our secrets with each other, I just try to maintain our friendship though we might not spend that much of time together like last time. I hope to have this friend back, but I know it's not possible anymore. I just have to accept the fact that I have no friend in college. Pathetic huh? Can you ever imagine Hollie who's so outgoing and active in everyone's eyes is actually a person who has no friend in college, and worse, actually in church too? LOL~ I feel like laughing at myself too!

I'm very disappointed with the relationship between people now. I am too afraid to be close to anyone. It seems like nobody can be a real friend. It seems like none of my relationships with people is trustworthy.

Well, in the end of the day, what more should I ask for from the world? What can this world give me? Nothing... Only God is the trustworthy one, who can give me everlasting and unconditional love and care. Only God will never abandon me. Friends? Family? Sorry, Perhaps I'm just so unlucky to be one of the few people who experiences rejection from friends and family.

I guess it's too late now... which caused me to feel so emo... I better sleep, tomorrow when I wake up, it'll be a brand new day with sunshine and hopes again... Goodnight~~